After recent car, financial, and big life decision issues, I’ve been struggling with extremely heightened anxiety. I notice that even little things I’m normally fine with have been putting me on edge lately. I’ve decided to combat this by bringin’ back a practice that kept me sane during the early days of the pandemic: journaling.
Recently, I’ve learned about myself that I do better by speaking or writing my feelings to figure them out. I’ll wonder why something has upset me or made me uneasy, only to have that little alone-in-the-car, self argument enlighten me. But rather than dwell on the negative, I think making a concerted effort to focus on the positive may be beneficial.
Each day, I am going to write down something that brought me joy. I am going to be noting the joys in my notes app and updating this post semi-regularly throughout the month of September. At the end of this post, I plan to reflect on whether the short-form journaling helped and if I gained any insight. Feel free to enjoy my little joys with me below.
September 2023
1. Getting to sleep in on a weekday
2. The satisfying feeling of stamping the wax seal on a letter
3. Booking a trip to see my sweetheart in a month!
4. Standing outside enjoying the warm summer wind and cool, fresh rain
5. My avocado was perfectly ripe
6. Receiving a sweet letter from friends
7. Having a lovely, kind group of folk to play online D&D with, and just being able to be myself and be silly for a couple hours
8. My professor asked me if I was doing alright
9. Giving a jazz piece I like a try on accordion and not entirely failing
10. Chocolate.
11. A bird at the pet store liked my hair
12. Getting a call to wish me a good morning after having a really rough night
13. My lab is demo-ing a piece of equipment and it saved me like 1-2 days of work!
14. Chocolate (again)
15. The big squeezy hug my littlest brother gave me when I came home for a visit
16. Having my mom do my hair
17. The support of a loving partner when you’re having a bad day
18. The feeling of a cold drink on a sore throat
19. Reading webtoons with my snake (who was happily cuddling with me for my warmth)
20. My therapy and psychiatry appointments, just knowing I’m making steps to feeling more like myself again
21. Absolutely eviscerating a bad paper during lab meeting
22. An engaging conversation about the Internet’s impact on culture with my partner
23. Writing at a cafe with little fall treats
24. Watching a Super Mario World speedrun video without feeling guilty about not being productive
25. Taking a phone call outside because the weather was perfect
26. The person before me paying for my coffee
27. Standing outside watching the rain with a cup of tea
28. A dark, rainy morning (and snoozing my alarm an extra time)
29. Running before seminar and pushing myself to make it home before it started (and making it!)
30. Letting myself have a bagel with all sorts of toppings
With the month now over, I am left with a little diary of the good of the past month. It’s funny, I’m not sure if writing these down helped me in the moment, but it certainly does help me when I look back. I know I had a lot of bad days, a lot of breakdowns and strife, but they’re not as solidified in my memory as the good.
It is also interesting to me now to remember just how poorly I was doing a month ago. Between starting medicine and therapy, I don’t live every day like the world is ending anymore. I still have rough days, but it is nowhere as bad as it was. Grad school really exaggerates and compounds life pressure, and I think for me I hit a breaking point. I will accept this not as a defeat but rather proof to myself that I will seek the help I need and strive to keep moving forward. Eh. Life is hard. I still have a long way to go to better myself. But at least I’ve made it through the (hopefully) worst of this trial.
Happy reading,
-Beppa